Friday 7 June 2013

Emotional Wreck

Here I sit at the head of the table. All I can hear is the clock ticking, the dog gently snoring and the occasional rustle of the Haribo bag. The babies are asleep, curled up in their little beds. Big is sleeping over at his friends house. My husband....? He's gone

I don't think I can begin to put into words what an emotional nightmare the last 24 hours has been. After noticing some marks on Squish it has become apparent that my husband is no longer able to care for the children. After a slightly heated exchange last night I asked him to leave, which he did willingly. I then rang my parents in a state of shock and confusion. Mum did a great job of calming me down and Dad, ever the hero, jumped in the car and came over so I wasn't alone.

I think this is a story best told backwards. My husband has gone to stay with his uncle for a while until he can find somewhere of his own. We saw a doctor earlier who has prescribed anti depressants and referred him for counselling and anger management. I feel so relieved that he has finally got some help. I don't think he believed there was anything wrong with him other than being tired from working odd hours and looking after the kids.

I met up with his uncle at lunchtime to explain the situation to him. I don't feel that I am the best person to support my husband at the moment so I wanted to make sure his uncle knows exactly what has been going on so he is in the best position to help him. I explained that he has lost interest in everything, is tired, forgetful, doesn't sleep well and that he has emotional outbursts. The situation is such that I can no longer tell what he is capable of. He is feeling immense pressure from looking after the children and I think he is pretty much at breaking point. With that in mind, the only real solution is for him to seek medical help and to stay elsewhere.

It is a very emotionally charged situation. Obviously my husband doesn't want to leave his family but knows it is in everyone's best interest. The boys don't really understand what is going on. Chaos is really missing his Daddy and cries a lot that he's not here much. Big isn't here much as he stays with his Dad a lot so he can see his mates from school. He says it doesn't bother him but it must have some effect. Mind you when he is here my husband is usually on his way out to work so they hardly see each other.

I know a lot of people would have thrown him out without a backward glance but I honestly can't believe he would hurt any of us unless he was ill. It's not in his nature to do that. To me he has all the symptoms of depression which was confirmed in the trip to the Drs. What kind of wife would I be to leave my husband in the grips of the shadows when he came to my rescue not so long ago?! As much as I need to support him through this, I have a responsibility to care for and protect my boys. That is why I have told him to leave. I think it will give him the space to recover without the pressure of caring for the boys all the time. It also means I wont be constantly worrying about the boys safety. A win/win situation.... hopefully!

It is so tough and I feel emotionally exhausted today. The next thing I have to sort out is work. Obviously there is nobody to care for the boys so my next dilemma is whether to put them into nursery 3 days a week (£240) or give up work. I've just worked out I only earn £156 a week so that answers that really. Great.

On that note I'm off to bed. Have a fabulous weekend y'all x

6 comments:

  1. Oh sweetheart. I know where you're coming from but there really is no excuse for hurting anyone. You've done the right thing now let the blog help move you forward. Tell us about the good and bad....i'm listening xxxxxxxx

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  2. You are a strong lady, Kat. You have done the right thing here - caring for your husband, getting him help, but also keeping your children and yourself safe. Well done. Life is not easy right now, but you are finding a way through. Keep going hon.xxx

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  3. Sorry to hear everything's so hard Kat. I really hope it all gets better and the situation improves, you all need to be happy. Don't forget to look after yourself too though! xxx

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  4. Sorry this comment is late. I "liked" this on BlogLovin with a view to replying when not on my phone and then things got away from me. Hope you are okay. You totally made the right decision!!!

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