The Last Straw

When you are in the thick of a difficult situation, you sometimes wonder how much more you can take. You soldier on, day by day and the latest hurdle is over come. Then something happens that makes you snap. It may only be a little thing when you look at that one thing on its own. When you add it to all the overflowing cartload of straws you are already carrying, that is the one that tips the load. That is the last straw...


My husband is suffering with a male form of post natal depression. I have been through that hell and just made it out the other side. I know how serious it is and how it affects every part of your everyday.
I recognised the symptoms in my husband so encouraged him to go to the doctors for a 4th time when the last three had said he was just a bit stressed.

With this knowledge in mind I have excused his mood swings, his silences, his erratic behaviour, tiredness, irritability, forgetfulness, lack of motivation as these are all symptoms of the shadows. He tolerated these traits in me for months during my dark days so we have both walked in each others shoes.

Unfortunately, I also excused his violent outbursts. Throwing things, hitting things, kicking doors. I realise now I was stupid to let that go. I noticed bruises on Squishes arms. My husband admitted it was him although he couldn't remember doing anything to cause such bruises.
That was when I told him to leave. Hurting our children is not an option. Ever.

That was a month ago. The time has flown. The boys have settled in to a new routine. They are calmer and not aggressive anymore. They have settled well into nursery now too. We are becoming more stable again. We have rebuilt our little family and we are getting there. It's tough but we are getting there.
My husband and I were talking about spending more time together as neither of us have made much effort recently. We all know how easy it is to let things slide when you live together, it's even harder when you don't! I was fully prepared to put in the extra effort required to make it work. Until yesterday.

I was reading through my Twitter feed in the morning and noticed an odd comment my husband had made to one of his followers. Turns out he was commenting on a photo of this girl sunbathing on a beach....
Now, I will tolerate many things. But in this situation, right now, that is totally unacceptable to me. I am really struggling with raising my three boys as a single Mum effectively, working and running the house as well as trying to be supportive and understanding towards my husband. Why should I then be expected to tolerate my husband publicly flirting with semi naked women on a social media site?!

I felt sick. Physically sick. Sick that he saw other women in that way when I only ever had eyes for him. How stupid could I be?? He is playing me for the total fool that I am. Blinded by love, oh yes. I couldn't see a sodding thing! I feel like a complete idiot. I can't believe he could make such a total mockery of me, our marriage and really, the whole bloody situation. He said he commented because he was trying to be funny. The joke is on him.
That was the last straw.

Oh and Squish, it turns out he got those bruises from being shaken...