Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Rollercoaster

Life is a rollercoaster... We've all heard that before. I'm really feeling it this week. I knew it was going to be a tough week with so many emotional and spiritual events occurring but I wasn't quite prepared for this!
On Monday I handed in my notice at work. Although I felt a little sad to be leaving some great people I mainly felt a sense of relief. I could see an end to our stressful existence and so many other benefits lay ahead. This feeling carried on into Tuesday. By lunchtime I was starting to feel a little nervous at having my meeting with Psychic Medium Ross Bartlett after work. 

I will go into more detail of my meeting with him in another post. I will say it was very interesting and he revealed (via my Grandad!) that I am an Empath. I had heard of Empaths before but I am currently reading more about them so I can understand myself a bit more. I am finding this site by Anna Sayce very helpful and I will be working my way through the advice on controlling this gift. I now understand why some people leave me totally drained, I suddenly get panicky in a crowd or busy places totally overwhelm me. I can't watch the news without feeling sick, I cry through Red Nose Day, the emotions from books stay with me for weeks after finishing them. I am called over sensitive all the time, I think too much, I get too involved, I'm too soft, I let people walk all over me and get totally overwhelmed by my inability to heal the world...

I now also understand my need to live a little further away from everything than is convenient. I need that little bit of extra space. I can remember a time when I felt completely at ease and relaxed. I was house sitting for a month in the middle of Bodmin for a friend. I had to look after her dogs and horses. The nearest shop was Asda 10 miles away. The neighbour was a mile down the road and I loved every minute of it!
I've always loved the idea of a smallholding in the middle of nowhere. Everyone seems to think that is a bit odd. Now I understand why they think it's odd and I think it's heaven!
Having an understanding of why I am this way has given me a sense of relief. I'm no longer weird, a bit odd and all the other things people have called me over the years. I'm ok. I'm normal, for an Empath! 


After discovering all of that I had a call from our social worker totally out of the blue. I haven't blogged about this as I have been waiting for the final paperwork to come through and now I'm glad I did. We were told that our case had been closed, all paperwork filed and life was on the up. It turns out that our case isn't closed. Far from it in fact. We have been appointed a new social worker and she doesn't agree with the decision so wants to make her own assessment of our case. Lovely.
I feel like this has put us back about 3 months. Any progress we had made is now seems undone. It is such a massive kick in the pants.
So, we now have a lovely TAC (team around the child - oh yesss, I'm getting the lingo now) meeting next week to look forward to. They will decide our next set of boxes to tick before we get a cookie. My earlier high spirits have been well and truly quashed.

Oh well, my last day at work tomorrow. I'm working on the Deli, which is my least favourite area to work, so I hope the day goes fast! Hope you're all having a great week so far. Amongst all of this I am still finding things to enter into my Gratitude Journal every day. Today my little bundle of Chaos gave me a huge hug and said "I love you Kat". Yes he does call me Kat. He also calls me Mum but I don't have an issue with it. There are much worse things he could call me and in 10 years, he probably will!!

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you've finally found some meaning and understanding to those feelings and what makes you you Kat what an interesting journey you are taking. Please don't be put back by recent news I think although we know things are good it's good that someone else cares enough about your boys too to make sure he's a ok we know he is but she wants to be thorough which in this day and age is nothing but a good thing. Could she be helping someone else? Probably yes but hopefully this won't last long it's only a true set back if you allow it to take over. Sorry about the essay lol much love xxx

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