Hello! And Goodbye...

I can't believe it has been so long since I last posted on here. So much has happened it's been hard to keep up, let alone write about it. I have been thinking about all the wonderful people I have met through my lovely little blog and wondering how you all are. There have been some who have been really supportive and helped me more than they probably realise. Luckily, I am still in touch with them so I hope they know who they are!!
I felt I should write a brief and final update for my little blog.
The final chapter if you like.

The last few months have been such turmoil I feel like I should skip the finer details.
After nearly 6 months of living apart, my husband and I have decided to separate. I think there are a lot of factors that have had a hand in coming to this decision. The main one being the interference from Social Services. We currently have a new Social Worker who admitted to me that things had been blown out of proportion and the case should have been closed months ago.

During this time, I feel, my husband has sought refuge in the fact that he no longer had to endure the difficulties of family life. He has made several life changing decisions without mentioning them to me let alone asking my opinion. Gradually, he has become less involved and more distant from us.
On the other hand, with him being here less and less, I had found a new way of coping with everything. The boys had a new routine so they felt more settled. Slowly, it became apparent that life was harder when we were all together as we no longer fit together. We had adapted to life without him.
The crunch came recently when he chose to do extra shifts at work even though he had previously promised he wouldn't. Unfortunately, we really needed him at home at those times. The boys were expecting him home so it was heartbreaking to tell them he wouldn't be home again. He also missed an appointment he made with our social worker by working. As I was really feeling the pressure of keeping things together, his absence was even more obvious. Id had enough of expecting him to be there to support us and finding no one so I called it a day.

The last six months have been such an extremely testing time for both of us. Had he been allowed home sooner I don't think this would have been the outcome. In fact I am sure this wouldn't have been the outcome. Still, this is where we are.

My focus now is on the boys. Trying to keep things together for them. I think they have got used to the fact their Daddy isn't around as they don't really talk about him so much now. If one asks where he is the other is usually quick to say "At work". I find it really sad. For my lovely boys to also have given up on their Dad. Also I find it sad for my husband as I don't think he has any idea how far he has fallen in their eyes. They absolutely adored him and screamed with excitement when he got home, throwing themselves at him after watching for him at the window. I am struggling to think of the last time they mentioned him. It's awful. I find it heart breaking. I can't understand it at all. I can't imagine anything being more important than my boys. Still, It is what it is.

I have decided to stop posting on here. On my lovely little blog. I wont take it down as I like to look through the posts sometimes to see how far I've come since I started it. There are lots of great memories and wonderful advice in the comments. Thank you all for reading and supporting me over the last 18 months. You have all been bloody fabulous!
Take care of yourselves out there x