Monday 14 July 2014

Here We Go Again....


 

 I have just spent a lovely weekend with my Hannah Banana Cupcake. She has reminded me of the true value of wonderful friends. To travel all this way (4 hours) on the train to sit with someone who is finding things extremely tough when you're not feeling 100% yourself is true friendship and definitely something special.

Having talked through things with Hannah,  she has made me realise that I'm at the top of that huge, black abyss looking it straight in the eye. Again.
The difference is, this time it is so much earlier than i would normally have noticed. That is a great thing.  Means I can nip it in the bud well before it hits full bloom! #WIN!

It is amazing what you realise when you talk to someone about things.  I know that sounds like I bottle things up but I don't. Talking to Hannah made me realise that I don't praise the boys as much as I used to, my "self talk" is now quite negative and I'm only seeing all the work that the others create for me to clear up.
I hate to admit it but I don't enjoy spending time with the boys now because that's all I do.

I wake up in the morning wishing it wasn't then spend the day waiting for bed time. I am constantly fighting the urge to drive far, far away so I can have a break from them for a while.
Obviously, the boys are busy getting up to toddler things unless they are occupied all the time. Their behaviour is deteriorating and for the first time I am realising my role in that happening.

I have a phone consultation with the Dr tomorrow so I will probably be back on the anti d's. That's ok. I need help and I'm glad Hannah helped me realise that. Hopefully, I will be better soon :) Thanks Hannah,  you're a star! xx

7 comments:

  1. Glad you had a great friend or help you see when it was time to seek help. Hopefully Because you have realised earlier that you are staring into the abyss you can try and fight it for your boys. Sending you healing and loving thoughts x

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  2. Well done Hannah and I hope the Doctor can help you.

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  3. What a lovely friend you have in Hannah x

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  4. Sending you (and lovely Hannah!) some big squidging hugs xx

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  5. awww lovely i am so very pleased you have such an amazing friend there with you to talk things through. Its so hard to accept sometimes that we need help and we hold it all in.

    Share it my lovely and I am sure this will only ever help xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    thanks for linking up x

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