One of the most worrying things I have discovered about PND is that over half the women diagnosed delayed getting help for fear of their children being taken away. Over half! Surely that's a large enough percentage to make it a symptom?! So, if your'e reading this thinking you can't cope but your'e scared to get help in case your children are put in care, please just talk to someone about it. It's ok to be frightened, in a way it's a good thing because it shows you care! From the information from my doctor and the internet, a mother and child are only separated in very serious cases where the child is at risk. Even in serious cases they can be placed in a mother and baby unit especially for the treatment of severe depression, post natal psychosis and other mental illnesses.
The biggest reason for me to get help was that I felt I couldn't cope so it was affecting the way I was caring for the boys and they deserve better than that. I now wish I hadn't left it so long before going to the doctor but I honestly believed they would think I was an unfit mother and take my babies into care. I was honestly surprised when I spoke to the doctor and he said I had PND as I didn't feel depressed. I just thought my anxiety was getting worse. I always thought depression was like a black cloud descends and you feel negative towards everything and have a lack of interest in everything. Apparently, a persistent low mood can also class as depression. I just thought I was exhausted and that was making my anxiety worse but obviously not.
Some of the symptoms are:
Feeling low, possibly that there is no hope
Feeling tired and lacking in interest
Feeling unable to cope
Being irritable, crying a lot
Loss or increase in appetite
Increased fear or anxiety
Physical symptoms of stress like head aches, blurred vision, light headed, nausea and stomach aches.
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions.
Feeling guilty for all of the above
I have all of these symptoms as well as feeling alone and isolated. I didn't understand why I was feeling like this so how could I expect others to understand or be sympathetic?! The worst thing was feeling guilty for putting my husband and boys through the hell of living with me. I felt irrational, unpredictable and moody. I didn't know what I was going to react to next so it must have been awful for everyone. With that in mind, I packed a case with the intention of leaving my gorgeous guys to a happier, more stable life without me. Fortunately, my wonderful man asked me WTF I thought I was doing and I had no reason to leave. I wasn't well and we would get me better together. Hero, right?! Abso-bloody-lutely!! There was nothing else I wanted to hear more at that moment. That was the day I started this blog. I owe it to my amazing family to beat this and I hope you find your strength to beat it too.