I realise my blog posts have been a bit erratic lately. There are several things I've been meaning to post about and lots of great linkies I've missed, unfortunately. The truth is I'm struggling..
I feel like I've lost the wi ll to do anything. I keep trying to do the right thing and explain to all the "professionals" we are involved with that I'm finding things hard but they don't seem to take any notice. This week will see my third trip to the Drs to try and go back on my meds but she thinks it's just stress and I need counselling (which doesn't start for another two weeks).
Yeaterday I went to the hospital to see another consultant about our c section. After waiting an hour and a half, she hustled in, said she had no idea why she was seeing me and that she was very busy as everyone in clinic was waiting to see her. If there wasn't anything important, could I come back another time. I was gob smacked! Do I attract these Muppets or what?!
I explained I had come because there were several questions that I needed answering to put my mind at rest before I came in for surgery. I wanted to have an epidural instead of a spinal in view of our previous experience (she suggested an appointment with the anaethetist, which I made). I asked about sterilization and which procedure would be carried out and how effective it was (she told me to look it up on the internet and they would do whichever procedure they felt was appropriate at the time?!). I also asked about the abdominal pains as my midwife was concerned about my scars and the possibility of them rupturing
She told me to make sure I drank plenty and ensured my diet enabled regular bowel movements.. I'm still unsure how that is relevant, she didn't explain.
She then asked if that was it and left. I felt like I was wasting her time by my trivial queries. Then I felt annoyed that I was brushed aside due to staffing issues. I didn't paint a glowing picture on the questionnaire they gave me about my visit! Look it up on the internet indeed!!
Do these people forget they are dealing with live, feeling humans rather than automated robots? I'm trying my hardest to stop myself falling into the abyss of anxiety and depression again yet every time I try these doctors just brush me aside like I'm wasting their time and I don't know what I'm talking about.
Quite honestly I feel like saying "fuck the lot of you", packing my stuff and buffering off somewhere nobody will find me. I've had enough. What's the bloody point if no one will let you help yourself?