Lost and Frustrated

This is not going to be a moany post (I hope!). I am really struggling at the moment with this transitional phase we are all going through. I know it is a matter of time before it all settles down and things will run smoothly again but what to do in the meantime?

I started my job about 6 weeks ago and I love it. I am enjoying the new challenges it is setting me and that I have to leave my comfort zone to meet some of these challenges head on. It is a little daunting at times but there is a great team of people to help me should I get stuck.

I am also loving the freedom from the house and family ties. I feel a twinge of guilt at saying that but I also realise both of these feelings are natural and totally understandable. I am so pleased the boys seem to be coping so well with my absence. They were my main concern about starting back to work. In all honesty, I think I missed them more than they missed me!

So why am I lost and frustrated? I am suddenly finding myself in no mans land. My husband is the main carer at home now and has his own routine and ways of doing things with the boys. This morning, I got up to give him a lie in and came down with the boys. I have always made us all a drink and given the boys a biscuit then settled on the sofa for half an hour to wake up, so that's what I did. I completely forgot that my husband gives them breakfast when they come down so it was a bit confusing for everyone. There was a bit of whinging and moaning from adult and child alike until I realised the problem with the situation. I quickly whipped up some breakfast and all was well again.

This situation reminded me of work. Now the novelty of being the new girl has worn off, I am now left to my own devices. Unfortunately, I have nobody supervising me, no instructions, no to do list, hell - I don't even have a job title!! I am lost. There are a million improvements I could make and want to make. I get moaned at for not doing A or B. C wasn't possible as the right person/tools for the job weren't available and it's down to me. I was moaned at yesterday for taking food to a customer while I waited for the chef to finish my dinner. I thought I was helping, obviously not. Ironic though as only the day before this person was complaining about people standing around and not helping when it's needed.
In order to keep myself occupied I am making a handbook. I am writing instructions on different procedures for all the departments, how to take equipment apart and clean it properly. I am including labelled photos so that the next newbie will have a little help and the partially sighted can lead the totally blind. Nobody has asked me to do this but it really needs doing. My favourite day at work is Tuesday when I am on the butchery. Everything is explained as many times as I need, I am expected to take notes, draw pictures and ask questions. I love it and I could happily stay up there every day of the week. The butchers have a wealth of knowledge, experience and passion which I totally admire. They are awesome!

So that is my predicament. I feel like I don't quite fit. I know this will take a while but there is no structure in either place to make the transition easier. The frustrating thing is nobody is doing much about it as they all have a place and aren't even aware of my awkwardness. I have asked but I seem to have to keep asking at work. At home, the boys now rely on their Dad more to fix their problems. That is great and just how it was when I was here full time, It's just hard being outsider everywhere all at once.

I am going to laze today and take it easy. Then tomorrow I am going to start on my handbook for work. I am quite looking forward to putting it all together. It will be great!

Have a great Good Friday folks x