The Importance of Being Vulnerable

After I wrote my post this morning about feeling lost and frustrated, I read this post from Kat at I Saw You Dancing. Loving a bit of soul searching AND Oprah I clicked the link to watch her interview with Brene Brown. I was not disappointed!

Brene Brown has spent over a decade studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness and shame. She has written several books. One of which being Daring Greatly. A #1 New York Times Bestseller and one I shall be adding to my library very soon. This woman makes a heap of sense to me. She talks about how opening up to vulnerability can also open us up to other powerful emotions like joy and fulfillment. Seriously, if we are always guarded against negative comments or situations how can we possibly expect to filter the positive, nurturing stuff too?! Armour is armour however you wear it and nothing is getting through that in a hurry.

During the show, it dawned on me that everything she was saying seemed totally relevant to my current situation. I feel totally unsure of my position in life at the moment. I have started a new job and have yet to settle in to a specific role or routine. I have also left my position of stay at home Mum. A role that has been filled rather well by my husband. So I am cast out into limbo awaiting my fate, it seems.

As I continued watching I realised I need to let go of my need for certainty, my need to know what is coming next. I know this is all just an adjustment for everyone, both at home and at work, so I need to have faith in the process and know I will come out safely at the other end.

It also made me think of the harsh words I had exchanged with my husband earlier. I took my frustration out on him and he countered beautifully! He pointed out that just because he didn't do things my way didn't mean  he wasn't doing an equally sound job. I wish I didn't give him such a hard time. He truly is amazing, I just wish I could remember that before I open my big, stupid trap!

Brene talked about the ordinary, small things meaning the most. Think of a person right now, while you're reading this. Someone who means a lot to you, who you would miss every day if they weren't around. Got someone? Now, what is it about that person that makes you smile? There is something they do that cracks you up every time, or drives you insane but they keep doing it anyway.
My husband does this funny Elmo voice that's hysterical. Chaos loves it too, he laughs his head off. I can't help but giggle when I hear it. He also taps the spoon on the side of his tea cup after stirring it for way too long. He knows it drives me nuts and does it grinning, the sod. My point is, those are the things we would miss. Not the grand gestures, huge surprises or days out. We would miss the small everyday things that let us know we are home, exactly where we are meant to be, with the tea stirring Elmos of the world!

I've come to the conclusion that in those moments of pure joy, when you can't believe how great things are, don't feel guilty, don't wonder how long it's going to last, just be grateful. Enjoy every minute of it, appreciate it. We all deserve happiness so lets embrace it rather than fear it. When great things happen it doesn't mean something awful is waiting for us round the corner, it just means something great has happened!

With this in mind I am going to make some changes at home and at work.
At home I am going to show my husband more gratitude. He does so much for us and I know I run him down unfairly. He is steady and reliable (unlike my unpredictable self!). He doesn't complain or argue. He does the best that he can and pushes himself to his limit and beyond for us. He is the best choice I ever made!
At work I am just going to ride out the storm. There are some major changes going on and I have walked in right in the middle of it all. Things will be tough for a few weeks but I can cope with that. Once it calms down I will be given a new position and my own responsibilities so until then I shall enjoy my lack of responsibility and learn as much as I can.

I am not sure of every decision I make but I do make it with the best of intentions. I will fail and I will get it wrong, I hold my hands up to that for I am only human. I will gladly fail, for it means I am one step closer to being a better person. I will be more open and vulnerable for how else can I fully experience all this great life have to offer if I live it through a filter?!

This is a quote used on the show and the reason behind the name for Brene Browns book. I will make this a picture for my home as I want to remember it.

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

 Teddy Roosevelt, speaking at the Sorbonne in Paris, April 23, 1910

I am linking this up with Verily, Victoria Vocalises and her #Procolo as I think we could all do with a nudge occasionally to live life honestly and to the fullest.