I don't exactly know when it happened. I have been so busy with the boys I haven't had time to think about much else. That's always when these things happen though isn't it, when you're not looking...
I feel like I've been hit by a massive tidal wave. I have no idea why but I feel like crying most of the time. I could sleep my way through the best part of a week with no problem at all. I didn't see it coming at all. Last Sunday I was crying a lot but I later thought that was because I had forgotten to take my pills that day. Obviously not.
I don't know what to do about it. I am on the maximum dose of my pills now and I still feel bloomin awful. What's next?? I'm a bit scared about the answer to that question to be honest.I am so glad my husband will be home a bit more now. After a few days of me he may just beg for his job back by the end of the week ha ha.
Is it ever going to go away? I thought I was on the mend and nearly back to my old self but now I feel as bad as I ever have. I had a really tough day with the boys yesterday and by the time my husband got home I was a blubbing mess. I was stuttering again so I then had to explain it to my brother in law as he kept giving me funny looks. It's weird having someone else here. Normally I don't have to worry about other people when I'm bad but now I do so I can't relax properly. I feel like such an idiot when I can't talk properly.
We are going out tonight for the Corporals birthday. She is home on leave for a week and I feel awful that I'm like this now. My mate is coming up from London too as he also knows the Corporal. Why does this shit always happen when I have things planned?? Why can't it just fuck off and leave me alone. I have tried being positive and thinking challenges make us stronger but it's bollocks really and doesn't help you cope with this shit. It just makes me feel like even more of a useless failure.
Chaos is on his way down with my husband so in the interest of preserving my trusty laptop I have to go. Sorry for the morning misery. Wishing you all a tiptoptastic weekend full of fun and laughter x