Confused....

This is going to sound a bit odd after my last post but no two days are the same at the moment. I think it will go some way to explaining the rather conflicted state I am in at the moment.


I had a chat with my husband the other day and he explained that he just feels drained all the time. Once the boys are in bed he just switches off and has no energy for anything. He looks worn out and has changed so much. He forgets things a lot now where he never used to. He forgets what he is going to say. He can't sleep through the night without getting up several times. He doesn't go out unless he has to. He has lost interest in pretty much everything, even writing! He says he doesn't look forward to anything as it's the same crap every day.
I really felt for him as it reminded me of how I used to feel being stuck at home with the boys all the time. I wanted to help him and make sure he was ok. I didn't want him to get lost in the dark tunnel of depression. I also felt I owe it to him not to give up as he didn't give up on me. I promised to love him in sickness and in health so what kind of wife would I be if I didn't stick by him when he needs me most?  But then.....

Over the last month it is like he has totally switched off to everything. The boys fight all the time. Chaos constantly bullies Squish, who is covered in scrapes and bruises. Chaos swears a lot, which I hate so much. They tear up their books and magazines. The house is a total mess. The boys don't eat or sleep properly. Neither does my husband. He works stupid hours then is too tired to do anything. He doesn't want to go to the Dr as he has been three times and they referred him for counselling (which he didn't book). He spends his wages on himself and none of our bills. He isn't even saving it for a deposit. He looks on one site for places to rent and nothing else. I am finding it harder and harder to be sympathetic towards him as he doesn't do anything and my boys are suffering.

I can't understand, above everything, how he can be so blase about the boys. They are a danger to themselves and he doesn't seem to care. I can't believe Chaos swears so much. My husband thinks its funny. I have got to the point where I just feel it is pointless even trying to talk to him. He takes absolutely no notice of me at all. I have been telling him since Chaos began to talk that he should cut down his swearing.

So, this is where I'm at at the moment. Do I spend my last ounces of energy supporting him and ensuring he is alright. Or should I conserve my energy and save it for when I have some time off and I can concentrate on the boys and the sorting out the house. I have no idea but I am dozing of now
All I do know is I keep dozing off so I am going to go to bed so I can make the most of having my boys for a  few hours tomorrow :D

Take care peeps and catch ya soon :) xxx