The Mindless Stigma Of A Naughty Child

We have all done it at some point. A screaming child in a supermarket throwing an almighty tantrum. An embarrassed mother at her wits end wishing the ground would open up and swallow her. Tutting and whispering old folk commenting that "you wouldn't see that in my day..." 
I used to wonder why people took kids shopping if it was such a nightmare for everyone. Now I'm a Mum, I understand. I have also been on the receiving end of the looks and comments. To be honest, I don't enjoy either situation. Watching another parent struggle or being the one struggling. But then, I don't think anyone does.

Unfortunately, my problems with Chaos have gone far beyond strops in a supermarket. They have become out of control and dangerous if I'm honest. I can't cope with him. What's worse, I think he knows that too.

So far, I have yet to experience anything as awful as the feeling that you can't parent your own child effectively. Obviously, he is fed and clothed, washed and educated but I am failing to prevent unwanted behaviour. The sort of behaviour that gets you struck off the kids to invite list.

The next worst thing is not being able to find anyone to help with the problems we are experiencing. Now, I'm not trying to get him labelled as having ADHD or some ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), quite honestly I don't care what the problem is. I just want to help my son, who is obviously unhappy /struggling to cope with something. I also want to help my family. I don't think people realise what a massive impact this has on the entire family. Nobody can relax as we never know what he will do next. It's exhausting.

His behaviour is aggressive towards others. It could be aimed at anyone but it mainly happens at home. He has always been quite rough with Squish, who is a year younger than him. Gradually it has been getting worse and now he bullies him anytime he thinks he can get away with it.

He will now take his anger out on anyone who is around. This includes me, his Dad, Big, my friends, his friends, basically anyone. He bites, pinches, kicks, pulls hair, pulls clothes, barges into people, throws things, shouts, swears, growls, breaks things, urinates and defecates in the house and garden.

This week has been the worst as he weed on his friend while we were out on a picnic, which was devastating. I was embarrassed, ashamed, shocked and disgusted at him.
The following day, he came at me with a hammer saying he was going to "smash my head in and make me dead." At this point I rang the Dr and asked if there was anything we could give him until we sort out what is upsetting him. She said no.

I am running out of ideas of people who may help us. His nursery said his behaviour is within the norm so they have no concerns with him.
We had an outreach worker from the children's centre who realised the was something amiss but was not in a position to suggest a solution. I did a five month parenting course with her which helped a bit for a while.
I took him to a Kinesiologist who said he was intolerant to wheat and oats. We put him on a gluten free diet which was hard as he wanted "normal" food. After 2 months I was skint and he was no better so we went back to normal.
My friend gives him a Bowen Therapy once a month and is going to try a new therapy called The Bars. I need to read up on it but I trust my friend totally.

I suppose the purpose of this post was to reach out to anyone who might be in a similar situation as I feel totally isolated in coping with this. People dont want us in their house as he is unpredictable and I can totally understand that. I am also guessing that other parents in this situation don't want to admit how bad it is. I'll be honest, I didn't either! I've had enough comments and "advice". I should be harder on him, I should smack him, I should do more with him, I should foster him, he needs meds, he needs counselling. I would be surprised if I get something new haha!

I have looked at my parenting and having three "normal" children, if I dare use that term. I realise all children are different and his needs are obviously not being met at the moment. I need help identifying what those needs are. I admit, he is better behaved with one to one attention but as a Mum of four, that doesn't often happen.

For now, spare a thought for us. When you see us in shops, struggling with the latest tantrum, think of this post and realise it is only the fact that the cupboards are empty that drives us from our homes to put ourselves under public scrutiny. Instead of tutting at the "inability to control that child" be immensely grateful it isn't you. Sometimes it is not that straight forward.