Day 54... My Boys

I have been feeling quite odd this week and I can't quite put my finger on it. It's like I have suddenly become very aware of the time. Sorry, not THE time but just time. It goes so fast...

I was looking at the Big One the other day and he is actually taller than me now. I am 5ft 5 and he is 12 (years not feet!). I can't believe it. Where did my baby go? How did he get so big all of a sudden? He is suddenly into teenage stuff, bikes, scooters, his phone, xbox games and he even has a girlfriend! I am only allowed to see a photo though as I'm too embarrassing to meet her in person.
Is it just me or do all parents wake up one day and realise their baby is long gone and there is a mumbling, blazer clad, hormonal teenager in his place? Not only do they forget how to talk, mine has forgotten where the wash basket is, how a shower curtain works, what drawers are for and that glasses and plates must be returned to the kitchen before they become fluffy.

I miss our times together. We used to do all sorts of stuff, like drive to the coast after school, stay overnight and drive back before school the next day. We could go away for the weekend as it would cost next to nothing. I guess it was just less complicated and a lot cheaper then. Just going to the shop now is like a military operation! I think he misses it too. He has coped really well with our family rapidly expanding and is the best big brother I could have hoped for. It's a shame that we don't get to spend much time together now for one reason or another. He will always be my boy, I mean mine. I haven't really voiced/typed this before but I have always felt solely responsible for him. His Dad couldn't cope with the impending responsibility and did a bunk before my 8 week scan (possible ectopic pregnancy). I was 22, had a job I loved and still lived at home. I had a decision to make. The only thing I remember being told was if I decided to have the baby I would be on my own as his Dad had made it clear he was unreliable. Wise words. He has always been in contact with his Dad but visits are a bit hit and miss.

So it was me and my boy. I was convinced through my pregnancy that the baby wouldn't change anything and I would carry on as normal. Fecking eejit!! Needless to say, things changed. After a few months I gave up my job with horses. After a few more months I put my beloved horse out on loan (and later sold him to the girl he fell in love with). We were housed by the housing association after a few months in a bedsit. I had my own business for a while.

Paphos Harbour

After a trip to stay with a mate in Cyprus, I decided to move out there. We sold all our stuff and off we went. Looking back now, I realise that was my final fling with adventure. I remember having enough money to buy the flight back to the uk or another months rent. I had to be responsible. If we had another month, what would we do then? I would have to borrow the money to get home and that would be awful. That was the moment I grew up. I couldn't wing it anymore. I had a little boy to look after who was only 3yrs old. We had a great time and did so many different things. He will always be special to me as he is all mine and I love him more than words! He makes me so proud every day. He is my greatest achievement. Don't get me wrong, I love my babies just as much but I am married now and there are 5 of us so things are very different. Our babies are OUR greatest achievement. I know I will never have to give my last pound for these two to visit Santa and I'm very glad about that. Going through those times with someone builds an unbreakable bond and that's what I have with the Big One.  So here he is on his first day at secondary school, giving little Chaos a hug goodbye.


I guess having watched the last 12 years whiz past in the blink of an eye, I am hanging on to every second with my little ones. Chaos is already racing towards his second birthday and I'm not sure where that time has gone either. I feel like I've missed so much already. I found a blog called Dear Beautiful Boy where Lucy has taken a photo of her son every day for his first year. I wish I had thought of that as it would have made a great record of them growing and changing over the year. No time like the present so I might just start now...

I love my boys infinitely and am so lucky and blessed to have them, each and every one.
I couldn't have picked better, I can't beat perfection! xxx