Pants Day 35

So it's Good Friday, we are all home together for the next four days and I should be happy yes? No. Not happy, in fact down right miserable. I keep crying all over the place then next minute I'm ok again. Is it some kind of mania?

I was feeling pretty bad anyway but I'm feeling a bit unhappy about some coming events and I don't know what to do. It's making me feel quite panicky thinking about it and results in another bout of crying.

Tomorrow a friend is coming who has helped us out a lot. She doesn't know the situation here other than I'm struggling to cope. I will do my best to put my brave face on but it's looking a bit tattered these days and doesn't seem to stay put for as long as it used to!

I was really looking forward to spending time with my husband. Between work and the kids I don't feel like I see him much. He told me last night that he has agreed to work Saturday and Sunday nights for a security firm, great! He is going to be totally shattered all weekend so quality time is out the window. I don't quite understand how he goes from quitting his job Thursday cause I can't cope to working all weekend on nights. It's even worse than the week days. He is tired and gets short with the kids during the day and isn't here at night so I'm basically on my own even more. I hate it, HATE IT!!!!

His Gran is coming down in the week (who is definitely from the Buck up clan!). She is also lovely but a tad pushy, again, not what I need right now. It turns out the only time she has free to see us is next weekend which happens to be the weekend before my birthday. My husband is arranging some kind of surprise for Saturday night I think. His Gran is going to want to spend time here as she hasn't met Squish yet and I just want to run away and hide. I realise it's for me but I don't want things sprung on me. I feel like I'm being backed into a corner and if I try to back out it's because I'm ungrateful. I do appreciate it but I just can't cope at the moment. My husband wants to do something special as my birthday goes by unnoticed usually and I'm really touched but I just want to curl up in a ball and hide somewhere warm and dark!! He is going to read this and be upset which makes me feel even worse as I hate upsetting him. It's bad enough having to put him through this already!

If that wasn't enough, I have to say good bye to my lovely Corporal today. She flies of to Cyprus tomorrow.  I want to cry at the thought of it. I hope Cyprus knows how lucky they are to have her! My crazy, happy, bouncy, slightly nutty friend. I will miss you more than you know! Keep in touch but more importantly, keep safe! xxx

My two favourite whirlwinds.
Captain and Corporal Chaos at your service!