This is my man and me on a rare night out for my birthday in April. We were both a little bit tipsy and had a great night. He is my best friend and we have had so many laughs at and with each other over the 4 years we have been together. It's the best thing in the world and I wouldn't be without him.
The problem is, somehow we have grown apart. We seem to have different interests and priorities now and we seem to be totally different people than we were. How does this happen without us noticing? I know I have been hard to live with while the pnd was bad, which has put a strain on us.
He became a bit distant while I was pregnant with Chaos but we talked about it and he was naturally a bit scared of becoming a Dad. Looking back now, I realise the situation didn't really improve much. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming my husband for the state of our relationship at all. I am just looking back and trying to piece it all together.) Having spoken to him, he said he struggled with Chaos and then we found out Squish was on the way he felt totally overwhelmed. I suppose I have tried to compensate for him by becoming more involved with the boys.
So there it is. The more he has withdrawn into other things, the more involved with the boys I have become. This has obviously led to the distance we now feel between us. I understand that parenting is totally overwhelming, especially having been a single Mum for years. I really don't understand how they are not the most amazingly beautiful things in the world that consume every waking thought or moment for him. This has made me see him in a different light. I realise it is going to be different for him as he has to work but I know if it was me I couldn't wait to get home and spend time with my babies!!
Am I getting this wrong. Are women that different to men? Do they see/feel things that differently? I don't know. I know this is how some Dads are but are they the exception rather than the rule?
We are now in the situation of trying to save our relationship and rebuild it stronger than before. Unfortunately, we have no real idea how to do it. It almost seems like it has gone too far to save some days. Does everyone go through phases like this? How do you save a marriage before it's too late? How do you know if it is too late?
I guess the fact that I really miss him and want to sort it out says that it's not too late. I just really hope we find a way coz we are AWSOME!
We are awsome! x
I think that children naturally change a lot in a relationship. But I also think that the relationship that mums have with their children is very different to the ones that dads have.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean about not being able to understand why your husband doesn't always think that the children are the most fascinating awesome things. My hubby loves the little guy to bits, I do find him more guilty of wasting his time. He'll pop to the shop on the way home and miss bath and bedtime, when he could have come home and enjoyed his son and then gone back out. Don't get me wrong, he's a doting daddy and gets a grin like a Cheshire cat when he walks through the door to cuddles from the little man.
I think maybe it's the being out of the house at work thing, they just have to shut off home life. Whereas I think even working mums are always a mum first and a worker second.
I hope you can work things out with your husband. Have plenty of quality time and take the time out to remember why you fell in love in the first place. X
I think every relationship goes through patches like this. Aaron and I aren't married (getting wed in Apr13) but we've been together justo ver 6 years and we've definitely had patches like this..especially after the children were born. Kids put a lot of extra 'strain' (is that the right word?) on a relationship and I think female and male priorities become more obvious.
ReplyDeleteThe sign of a good relationship isn't being happy all the time, it's riding through the rough patches and pulling together to make your relationship work. I hope things work out between you and your Mister (I'm sure they will!) <3