Return of the Jellies! My PND Update (Day 107)

I am sat at my laptop two and a half months after being told I have Post Natal Depression. I farmiliar feeling begins to creep over me, where are they? My mouth starts to water and the feeling increases until I can't resist anymore.... JELLIES!!

So apart from craving my jellies today, what else has changed I hear you ask. It has been a gradual improvement but now I almost feel back to my old self (pre-babies!). I will go through it in order, if I can remember it all!

In the beginning, I wondered what I was taking the pills for as they just made me feel exhausted. Worse than I was without them! I stuck with them after a quick chat to the Doctor, who told me they hadn't had the chance to work properly yet so give it a few more weeks. Anti depressants need time to build up in your system. That is why it takes a few weeks for them to work, as they need to reach a required level within the body.

As hard as it was I stuck with it. I had sweats, felt tired all the time, was anxious and stressed about everything. It was quit tough but slowly I started to feel the clouds lifting. Things didn't seem so much of a problem All the time. I hadn't thought about me being ill for a couple of days and that is when I realised they were working. 

The hardest thing I found to cope with was the relapse days. I would be sailing along quite happily for up to a week at a time, when all of a sudden I'd get up and the shadows were back. I couldn't shift them, no matter what I did. Those were the tough days, when I felt like I had been making great progress and then falling back to square one. 

Looking back I realise now that the fact I noticed I had slipped back again was part of the recovery process. I wish someone had warned me about this when I started taking them! After several relapse days I started to notice I would be fine the next day so I just had to ride out that day the best way I could. 

After about 6 weeks I went back to the Doctor as I was still exhausted and I had had a couple of very bad days. I felt while the pills had lifted me closer to the light, I still wasn't out of the shadows. He agreed that after 6 weeks I shouldn't be having days like this so he increased the dose. I am now on 30mg of Citalopram a day and haven't looked back! 

I have had a couple of days where I have forgotten to taken them. This has resulted in me feeling totally wiped out and having awful hot sweats until I take them. Otherwise, life is good! I am well on my way to recovery. On the days I forget to take them I realise I am still not 100% but I know that it's going to take time. I will probably be on the until Christmas but that's ok with me. I have improved so much and feel so much better that it has been well worth the struggle to get this far. 

Thank you to everyone who has left me such wonderful and supportive comments. You have all made such a difference to me and have really helped me along with my recovery. 

You all deserve a huge THANK YOU! and some big squishy hugs xxxx