Total Fecking Chaos!

I was going to call this post The Ideal Contraception but I thought of a slightly more apt one instead. I think today I would happily swap roles with anyone, pest control, bin man, sewer inspector.. name it! It's 11:10am and this is my day so far....

I am woken to the sound of Chaos shouting for me from his cage cot. My husband slept downstairs with Squish so I could have a whole nights sleep (Squish has an ear infection and been up most of the last 2 nights). I brought Chaos downstairs and he promptly woke up Squish by shouting "Daddy, Baby" at the top of his voice, Faberoooo! The usual morning blur happened. The Big One fed Squish so I could keep Chaos in the other room and prevent him from "cuddling" Squish any more.

Things were going quite well until the others left and I had to replace Squish's Dummy. Chaos decided to decorate everything within reach with porridge. If you don't know, this stuff has a similar adhesive quality to weetabix and superglue once dry. Dilemma... Do I a) let him down so I can clean up and risk him "cuddling" Squish  b) let him down and clean him up then occupy him somehow or 3) Put him in the shower and hose him off with freezing water??
Obviously A would be the first choice of a sleep deprived, mentally exhausted struggling Mum closely followed by C after following the porridge trail round the house!!
So A it was. Within 2 seconds Squish was crying so off I went to save him. Whilst giving him a proper cuddle, Chaos climbed onto the table and messed about with the tv, smeared porridge on everything, pulled dvds and books off the shelf, played with all the noisy toys he could get hold of and when that didn't get my attention, he grabbed Squish's dummy out of his mouth while pretending to kiss him.

I put him in his room. You may or may not agree with that but have him for a day few hours and I'm sure you'll change your mind! I managed to calm Squish back to sleep so I could go and sort out Chaos. I got him dressed and we went into the garden, which he loves! He's playing and bouncing on the trampoline so all is well, until I decided to dig up the Dog Rose by the steps before it scars someone for life. Obviously I NEED help! We somehow managed to get it in the bin with me getting the only injuries so that was a success. I went to wash the mud off my hands and before I had the tap on he was calling me. "Mummy, Mummy!" Sigh, "What's the matter?" A few grunting noises "Duck" He had somehow slipped in the dip left by the Rose so was flailing about like an upside down tortoise. With a giggle I pulled him up and he carried on playing.

I was reading a message on my phone when there was an almighty crash behind me and water splashed up the back of my legs. I turned round to see plates everywhere, the whole kitchen flooded with water and Chaos in the middle of it looking slightly panicked. He had somehow managed to pull the washing up bowl off the side. Thank god our plates bounced!  I told him to go outside so I could clean it up. I got the mop and bucket and began to clear the flood. I soon had a fair bit of water in the bucket. I was at this point he decided to come in. I was wringing out the mop as I looked up. I'm not sure what happened but the bucket slipped on the wet floor and tipped over, spilling water all over the dining room too! 

Chaos took this as the perfect opportunity to start puddle jumping in the kitchen in his MUDDY welly boots. It was approximately three minutes later that he slipped and landed with a splash in the, now cold, water. Call me evil but I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Karma" I thought, grinning. I gave him a cuddle, took his wet things off, made him some milk and put him to bed. I haven't heard a peep so he must be sleeping - hurrah!

I thought I would have a well deserved cup of tea before tackling the flood. I put the kettle on, tea bag in cup only to realise we have no suger! Brown it is then. Oooh jellies! I looked in the cupboard but, thanks to this bloody Day Zero Challenge I finished them last night. GRRRRR!!
I am currently munching my way through the Moo biscuits I got for Chaos, sod him!

On a plus note, My Squish has just woken up and is all smiley again! His eyes are really red and he sounds a bit snotty but he's smiling so obviously feeling a bit better - hurrah!!