He said he was looking into having some time off work as he didn't think I was coping too well at the moment. I was quite surprised, to be honest. Then realised I had just bawled at Chaos for going in the utensil drawer for the 698th time that day. I then had a bit of a cry as at that moment, it was all a bit much. I was overtired from being up with Squish, Chaos had been just that all day and I was trying to have a "How was your day at work" chat and do dinner at the same time. I can see his point. If you walk in from work and that is what welcomes you, it may make you wonder how long it's been going on.
Also, there is the hair cutting. I admit, initially it was a bit desperate. I get hot flushes a lot and on a hot day they are unbearable with thick long hair. I just decided I had had enough and cut off my pony tail. With a bit of tweaking it looked ok. Then the other day I had another go at it. I just wanted to tidy it up as it had grown so much and looked bit bushy. I think it looks ok today, after another few snips.
The point of this is, he made me think about what is going on with me at the moment.He's right, chopping at your hair with little regard for the outcome is not an act of a totally balanced person! But...
Over the last two years my responsibilities have grown a lot. Slowly but surely, I feel like I have become a servant/ devotee to all that is male in this house (and the last!). As my husband works and I am at home, naturally the house keeping, bill paying and child caring was down to me. That was ok when it was just Big. It wasn't too bad when Chaos came along either. Moving house pregnant, frantic decorating, having a baby a month later, Christmas then Bigs birthday tipped me over the edge really. With three boys all at different stages it is very time consuming and tiring so anything I want to do gets lost amongst the endless washing and tidying up.
While my hair chopping is a little out of the ordinary, it also feels like I'm starting again. I'm sure some of you can relate to this. I want to start again, from a clean slate. I want to rediscover the things I like and want to do. I want to know if I still like the same things or if they aren't my cup of tea anymore. I want to shed the downtrodden house wife I feel I've become and Cinderella my dull ass up a bit! I want to laugh again, play with the kids and enjoy it rather than just seeing the mess they are making.
Yesterday was the first day ever that I put the boys to bed and thought "I can't be arsed to blog". Even I was a bit surprised by that! I love my blog and reading all the other faberoony blogs. It is the only time my feelings are truly reflected in what I write. This is my space and I love it.
If you have followed me since the beginning you have probably noticed the changes. I have stopped writing about how crap I feel every day. I have started to join in on linkys and start my own. I have made buttons for my blogs and my husbands blog. I have done a review. I have written about other blogs I find amazing. I have done a guest post for a lovely lady. I have met lots of wonderfully supportive people who are battling through similar shite everyday. I have just taken part in a mug swap with another faabulous lady and set up my own swap for next month. (Honestly, I'm shitting it a bit in case I balls it right up but I'll try anything once. If you've stuck with me so far through my drivel, I'm sure you can forgive me another cock up ha ha!)
I am going to start branching out a bit more. I'm going to blog about stuff I think is wonderful or wonderfully crap. There may be some random things like the Kirlian Photo post, more baking disasters, swaps, reviews god knows what else. I want to try everything and tell you guys all about it in the hope that you might find in interesting/funny or steer well clear!
Wow, this is a big old long waffly post isn't it. Obviously needed a bit of chest clearing today!
The point is I would like a refreshed, up to date version of Kat to emerge from the washing pile, to discard the pinny (joke) and marigolds (seriously?!) and spread her wings to discover what lies beyond the realms of motherhood. In view of this I would like to introduce you to the newest and most inspiring member of the household.....
She reminds me of all I have forgotten and all I want to be.
I love her!
Hello new Kat! Xx
ReplyDeleteYou sound very much to me like a pretty normal mum of three, so if your husband is considering taking time off work to help you, grab him with both hands, plonk a great big smacker (kiss) on his lips and tell him "great", and then get him to book it straight away.
ReplyDeleteCoping as you are doing is grand, and any little bit of help you can get will help you to rediscover the new Kat quicker. Once he's been home with you and three boys for a couple of weeks, he'll be begging to go back to work! Make the most of his offer while it still stands. xx