Where Has My Baby Gone?

I'm feeling a bit emotional today. My husband has gone to work so I'm home alone with nothing but Haribo and the tele for company. It has been pretty much a normal Saturday really, until we went into town.


We took the boys into town after lunch. Chaos wanted to go on one of the rides in the center so I went ahead with Squish. He was happy and babbling away, happy to be out and about.

We entered the shop and were invited to sit down. Within a few minutes a transformation had begun to take place. My curly haired cutie was slowly changing before my eyes. I couldn't quite believe what was happening. His soft, fair curls I nuzzled every day, fell at my feet. In the space of five minutes my baby was gone. My tiny cute cheeky chappy had been transformed into.....

A TODDLER!! 

I keep looking at him trying to get used to it. \He looks so much older now. I don't understand why it has affected me so much. We went over to see my parents and I had a little cry on the way. It feels like a huge thing, a big milestone somehow. I have no idea why though. I wasn't this pathetic with the other two so why now? Could it be because he is the baby? We decided not to have anymore after my near death experience having Squish. Could that have had a knock on effect? 

I am so much more aware of how fast the time passes these days. I don't know why that is. I want to make the most of every moment with my boys. 

Maybe this is a visual reminder that he is growing up and he's not my little baby anymore. If I'm honest, right now I don't want him to grow up, I don't want him to go to school and get influenced by the outside world. I want him to stay little and Squishy and my baby. I realise this is the transition to the next stage of his development and I'll embrace it fully. But for today, I am missing my baby. The tiny little bundle that I rocked to sleep, that slept in my arms, that wanted to be carried all day and never put down. That's ok isn't it? It's not weird to miss the little person they were as they develop, is it? He is still beautiful and I love him to bits, my lovely, delicious baby toddler.