I am no longer the "Go To" parent. During Squishys midnight wails, my husband left the room for a few minutes and I was unable to comfort Squish. It wasn't me he cried for, it was my husband.
I'm not stupid, I realised there was a strong chance this would happen, I just didn't expect it so soon or so suddenly. I love all my boys massively but Squish has always been a Mummys boy. Probably because he is the baby and our last. He has always followed me everywhere, come to me when he's upset and sat next to me for everything.
I know we need this job, I enjoy it, the money will be a great help each month but I can't help feeling it has come at a great personal cost to me. I feel like I have lost the close bond I had with Squish and I can't get that back now, I feel out of touch when I come home. I can no longer tell instantly what mood the boys are in and how best to deal with them. I feel almost like a visitor in my own home. I realise this is all part of the adjustment process but it's a bit like being cast aside and I am no longer the one with all the answers.
Today, my husband is at work so I have the day alone with my babies. I am going to clean up the garden so they can play out there on nice days, with their tractors.I want to make every time I am with them special so they realise I miss them madly every second I'm not with them.
Being a Mum and working is always a compromise somewhere but please you are a great Mum and your boys will always be there for you.
ReplyDeleteI've been on the other side of that experience. When my little boy hurt himself recently my wife went to comfort him but he insisted on going to me. I was gratified but I could see she was upset, although she didn't admit it.
ReplyDeleteIt may not just be work; children go through phases, which often change rapidly. And for their sake I think it's important to realise that it's not a competition. I'm sure Squish knows that you both love him & I'm sure that he loves you both back. It's hard to avoid the feeling of rejection though isn't it? I get that too x
Don't worry. You will always be his special mummy and although it seems like you have lost a special relationship its just changing into a new one. xxx
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