Monday

I have been working for two months now and I have realised how lucky I was to be a stay at home Mum. I can't tell you how much I miss my boys when I'm at work. This has become really apparent this week with them all being ill at home while I was running around after people at work. I have felt constantly like I am in the wrong place being at work. I think this all came to a head Friday and I came home early from work.

I had been feeling pretty awful all week, getting up at night with the boys and busy at work during the day. I felt pretty awful on Friday morning but had  to go in as I was covering another absent member of staff. I cried a bit on the way to work, which isn't like me. I really didn't want to leave the boys. My friend said I should just ring in and stay with them. I should have listened. The day got slowly worse. I cried a few times and got a bit snappy a few times. The crunch came when my husband rang to let me know how the boys got on at the Drs. I knew then I should be at home. He said to try to hang on but I couldn't, so asked him to pick me up early.

I decided to stay home Saturday too. I feel thoroughly rotten. I had some good advice from some of my fabulous blog buddies. Basically, that I should take care of myself and not try to do so much. (I know that is a fault of mine that I have yet to fix) I thought I would have a lazy day oday just playing with the boys and reading them stories. Ironically, a book I ordered by Brene Brown arrived today. I have started to read it and it is so perfect for where I am right now. It's called The Gift of Imperfection  (this link takes you to Brene's web page if you want to read more about it.) It is all about letting go of who you think you should be and embracing who you are. Yep, it's pretty deep core stuff but I can cope with that. I don't want to run myself ragged all the time any more. I don't want to keep going til I drop before I stop. I want to learn a new way to manage myself so I can maintain a steady momentum. Surely that is possible, right?!

Hopefully, I shall find an answer and fairly soon! I'm off to make a cuppa and read some more of my book.