Today, was one of those days that made me realise how important certain things are and how much I had neglected them. During a conversation with my husband, he said he no longer felt the same way about me and wanted to end our marriage.
Breathless. Heart stopping. Mind blowing. Incomprehensible.
I felt like I had been punched under the ribs. I couldn't breathe. I'm sure I felt my heart rip in two. What? How? How could this be? All of a sudden, how did we get to this point? My head was spinning.
I knew things were tough but how did we land up here? We love each other don't we. Don't we? Surely, if you love each other then nothing else matters. You can overcome any obstacle, right? Right?!
I didn't know how we would make it through all this stuff but I just believed that somehow we would. Like some blind faith that somehow we would come through all of this and be a family again. Could I really have been that wrong?
Suddenly the future stretched out in front of me, seemingly endless, flat and grey. All the plans and ideas we had made weren't there any more. Suddenly I had a blank future. A void. Nothingness. How would I cope on my own? On my own, forever? The future looked bleak at best.
I decided to call him. I couldn't work out how he had gone from "I love you" to "I don't love you anymore" in such a short time. I'm really glad I rang. He is just as stressed out about all this as I am. He is struggling with not being at home at all. He's missing us all, in every way. He's struggling without his family. I have been so caught up in looking after the boys and working that I only saw all the things he didn't have to do. I didn't see the struggles that he has been going through too. We haven't spent any time talking about what we are going through, just working out the details of the next visit or how the boys are. We have totally neglected our relationship. It has nearly ended us. But not quite...
We are going to spend the next month on rebuilding Us, then see where we are. We start counselling this week and we are planning a couple of date nights too. I couldn't believe this was be the end of us and I still can't. I'm not giving up without a fight. I know I will never feel this way about anyone else so I'm not letting go of him easily. He is my husband and I love him with all my heart.
Sending you big hugs, much hope and lots of luck. I hope you manage to rebuild your marriage. I felt really sad for you reading this, but your determination is admirable. Marriage isn't always smooth sailing, but that doesn't mean the grass is greener on the other side. Let's hope he sees that. Xxx
ReplyDeleteI hope that the counseling helps you BOTH see the big picture. I worry about how much of the blame you seem to be taking. Being in love, being a couple, it takes 2. I really think counseling is a fantastic idea xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Jo. I suppose I am just trying to point out that although this situation is mainly down to him, I have had a part in it too. I think any couple should be aware of their individual contribution to any situation whether its good or bad. Fret not, I am carefully constructing some hoops for him to jump thru to prove his worth ;-) xxx
DeleteSo glad to hear this. I really think counselling is important to you both, somewhere completely neutral xxx
DeleteThis was a sad post but it is a good thing you're fighting for your marriage, for your husband. You and he cannot just give up something as important as your marriage. It's good you're going to do everything you can to save it. I believe that's what every couple should do before thinking of separation. I really hope everything will be well in the end. All the best. xoxo
ReplyDeleteGood luck dear Kat, sending you much love xx
ReplyDeleteOh how awful for you x I don't know what to say but I really hope you manage to work through things xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Kat, I am so sorry - firstly for being so late in commenting on your post (finally playing catch up) but more importantly I am sorry to see you are going through such difficulty. You have so much worth fighting for and I really hope that you and your husband get this resolved - well done on getting help. Please feel free to tweet or message if you need a listening ear. Thank you so much for linking up to PoCoLo and hope to see you tomorrow x
ReplyDeleteOh love, do what feels right for you. I hope things work out. xxxx Sending hugs. x
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