This has been a tough week. I realised last night that it has taken its toll on me. I am starting to struggle with everything that is going on. I was sat in the bath last night when the realisation dawned that in 14 weeks I'm going to have another baby to look after.
Now, you maybe thinking "Hellooo?? Surely you must have realised that before now??" The answer is yes and no. Obviously I realise there is going to be another little person in the family but I haven't really sat and thought about the logistics of what that means (other than in practical terms, like where to put the cot etc).
What am I going to do with three of them?? I can't leave these two alone for a loo trip without war breaking out, what will I do with a baby as well?! Am I going to have it permanently attached to me for fear of toddler attacks? How are we going to go anywhere when my hands are full of buggy and baby so restraining two toddlers as well is out of the question. It has become painfully apparent that I have no outside help other than "health care professionals". Great for advice but no good for practical help.
This feels like the dawn of a whole new nightmare. One that I would rather not think about without a cider or three!
I am also starting to question the things that are upsetting me.
Are they reasonable or am I being hormonal?
Am I shouting more than usual?
Physically I'm fucked. I have SPD, sciatica, painful scars (after 3 sections and two laparotomies, who wouldn't?!), anaemia and a bloody great big tummy. There is a list as long as my arm of things that need doing around here in the next few weeks and I'm struggling to get it done. I know physically I shouldn't be doing it but there isn't anyone else.The boys are bloody knackering. Chaos feels like he's hyperactive while Squish seems totally exhausted most of the time. When Chaos is at nursery we sleep as he's too much and we need to recuperate!
I've lost the plot I think. I can't work out if I'm being a drama queen or if this stuff is too much for one person. I'm also worried about pnd raising its ugly head again. I already feel overwhelmed so how will I cope in three months?!