Being A Single Mum

My husband left in September, when I was 8 months pregnant, so being a mum of four kids is still a fairly new thing, never mind doing it alone! I think so far we are coping with it pretty well. My eldest son is from a previous relationship. His Dad left when I was 8 weeks pregnant (he was scared, poor love). I met my husband when my son was 8 so I've actually spent longer being a single Mum than I have a married one!

One thing that has struck me more is the massive feeling of injustice at the whole situation. Obviously, all relationships are different so this may not be true of everyone but I wonder how many single parents feel like they have been left with all the responsibility?

Three months ago my husband announced that he had feelings for someone at work and wanted to move out. Obviously I was rather hormonal anyway but my emotions were all over the place. One minute I was devastated and felt incapable of getting through another hour as the heartache was so great.
Then I felt like it was his loss and he was stupid to think someone else would be with him given he could walk out on his pregnant wife and kids.
I still have a huge disbelief that my husband, a man I thought I knew better than anyone, could just walk out on us. This has made me question my judgement a great deal.

The feeling that seems strongest and recurring is the huge sense of injustice. All I ever did was love this man and my reward for that is to be abandoned at the final hour while he swans off to a care free single life of no responsibility. This makes me madder than ever, especially when he comes to see ths boys and complains hes tired or how busy work has been. Like I care!
Why doesn't he ask about his kids or how I'm getting on?
How can he say he misses them yet turn up late to pick them up?
Why does he ask me what he should get for their birthdays? Surely he should know them by now!
How can he just leave his children?!
That's the one that gets me most. There is nothing I wouldn't do for these kids. I think most Mums are the same. Their children are the center of their existence, the pivotal point their entire life revolves around. Yet some men have the ability to abandon them without a second thought. It seems to me, him being a father begins and ends on my doorstep. I rarely hear from him in between visits and he has no interest in their lives other than the days he spends with them.

On the tough days, the ones that feel like they are never going to end and your head wants to explode with the constant bickering, on those days the injustice hits me like a tidal wave. The unfairness of it all washes over me and I feel utterly drained. I find it hard to muster the energy for one more step, knowing that this is how it is going to be. Every. Single. Day.
I love my kids infinitely but it would be so nice to be able to have a break occasionally. Maybe to get my hair cut or shop without the threat of a hissy fit every time I say no. Even to nip to the shop when youve run out of milk at 5pm without embarking on a military expedition unleashing three tired, stroppy under 4s on the british public knowing that a horrendously embarrassing situation awaits in the crowded aisles of Tesco...
All of a sudden my level of responsibility has doubled and his is non existent. He has selfishly made my life so much more complicated and the possibility of going anywhere without a child now seems years away. Yet if I show any signs of my displeasure I am being unreasonable and why can't I just get over it?!

His latest suggestion was that we should "get on" for the kids sake. He doesn't want any bitterness in front of the kids. Hilarious! After the number of times I have offered him help and had it thrown back in my face, I'm afraid I told him I wasn't interested.