A Close Shave

This year has been a really thought provoking one so far. I have felt quite reclusive and wanting to stay engrossed in my garden and home improvements. I am usually quite a sociable person so this has been quite unusual for me. I have had quite a lot of things on my mind so I think that has a lot to do with it. I know it sounds selfish but I don't think I can cope with any more right now.

I bumped into an old school friend a few weeks ago. I told him I was interested in meditation to cal myself down a bit. He invited me to the Buddhist temple where he holds a class once a week. I have been for two weeks and love it. After the first week I was reading and watching videos on anything to do with Buddhism I could find. I was hooked. 

I have always had an interest in Buddhism,  that I would love to find out more but have never found the time. Obviously the old Buddhist Proverb is true:

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear"

Some of the things I read about got me thinking about a lot of things. Part of Buddhism is to let go of your Ego. The best way I can describe what this is like is this. If you meditate or sit quiet for a few minutes and clear your mind of thoughts. That peace and stillness is without ego. You are not concerned with who is better/worse or what you look like. There is no comparison, no concern or anxiety, no standard to set or maintain. Just you, in peace. There is a more detailed explanation here, if you want to learn more.

This led me on to thinking about my own Ego. I noticed that all Buddhist have shaved heads so I looked into reasons why they do this. Lay Buddhists are not required to shave their heads, only monks and nuns. This is so they can let go of confusion, hostility, attachment and vanity. There are obvious health benefits and it is also seen as a sign of your commitment to the Buddha himself. There is also the added factor that being less attractive will make the vow of celibacy easier... Apparently.

I started to look at shaving my head and how it made me feel. I have never been overly concerned about my appearance. I dont wear make up or brush my hair every day so I was quite surprised at the resistance I felt towards shaving my head.
I started to think about what it represented to me. On one hand its just hair. Keeps your head warm, looks nice (sometimes!) and is socially acceptable.
On the other hand, it represents a lot of stereotypes. Ladies with short hair appear more business like and efficient,  while longer hair is more the norm.
Women with shaved heads are obviously:
Gay
Have an illness
Have an attitude problem

I am none of these. I am just looking at myself in different ways and challenging my sense of self. I'm not trying to prove a point, make a statement or upset anyone.
Since shaving my head, I have felt more like me than ever before. I felt instant relief from worrying about the state of my hair. I didn't realise it had bothered me before. When I went out I felt all of the stereotypes everytime someone looked at me. I wondered which they thought I was.

That was ten days ago. Now I don't even think about it. I wonder why some people stare for a minute until I remember. I don't feel like my hair is short. I had a pony tail all the time so it doesnt feel any different really.