Have You Ever Stared Death In The Face?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you weren't here? How would your family manage without you? What would their daily routine be then? Is it something you would rather not think about? Is it too painful to consider? Not being able to watch your children grow up. 

15 years ago, my Mum had a massive operation to remove a tumour, the size of a grapefruit, from her brain. It was a difficult time. Some days went by as a blur, while others are still as clear as day. One of those moments was having to say goodbye to my Mum the night before her operation. It was a huge operation and nobody knew if she would make it or if she would be left with permanent brain damage. I'm pleased to say, she made a full recovery but that day will always be the worst for me. 

Since Mums recovery, it has always been a thought in the back of my mind. Would it happen to me? My great Aunt and Mums cousin also had similar problems. I put it out of my mind when it popped up as there is no point worrying about things that are unlikely to happen. 

Recently, I have been suffering with headaches and flickering colours in front of my eyes. These have been getting more frequent along with numbness in my fingers, pins and needles in my feet and dizziness. I didn't put it all together until the weekend when I started to lose my balance. These are all the things Mum suffered with too. 

I had a chat with my Mum about it yesterday and she advised me to see someone as soon as I could to put my mind at rest. I made an appointment to have my eyes tested but the earliest time was next Thursday. I also managed to book an appointment with a Dr yesterday. She gave me some strong painkillers and has requested a CT scan of my head. She said she hopes it is just a migraine but wants to check due to my family history. 

For now, I wait. I'm trying to keep my mind from racing off with itself. I have an enormous list of "what ifs" but I am trying to adopt my husbands outlook. Don't worry until there is something worth worrying about... It really isn't easy though.