Day 13..... Unlucky for me

I'm not sure what's happening today. I am having the usual cold sweat but when my husband and the Big One left this morning I had an overwhelming feeling of not being able to cope again. The day seems too vast to get through and I don't feel like I'm going to make it. I'm getting the shakes and really don't feel good.

Does this mean the pills aren't working? I'm starting to worry about what they are going to do. Will they increase the dose so I'm a complete zombie or give me something else. I hope I won't be bouncing from drug to drug trying to find one that works. I feel really disappointed (and anxious) that they haven't done the trick.

I know I should be positive, that it's only a set back and it will get sorted but I really wanted it to be straight forward for the boys more than anything. I should have realised earlier, I just thought I was getting anxious again because I was doing things that were out of the ordinary for me, like going out on Saturday night. I have started getting anxious about my trip to Portsmouth to watch my friend graduate but again, it's out of the ordinary so bound to be nerve wracking.

I feel like I've let everyone down. My poor husband. I wish I wasn't like this, that he didn't have to put up with such an incapable muppet! Ok being sensible... Do I see the Dr now or give it a couple more days and see what happens?? Aaarrgghhhh Why is it so bloody hard!! Maybe I'll ring my Dad and see what he says. He is usually quite sensible about things like this. I just really hope whatever they do it doesn't stop me going to Portsmouth as I really want to see her Graduate. I suppose I was a bit stupid to think I wouldn't feel like this again.  Bloody square 1........ I'm sick of the sight of it!

Watch out for the shadows.. They bloody creep up behind you these days!! x