Day 3 and 4

Sunny Saturday...

I didn't have a great night last night. I woke up at 1.30am and couldn't get back to sleep so I wrote a couple of pages on here about my anxiety and PND (I would love to know what you think) which seemed to do the trick so I climbed back into bed about 4am. zzzzzzzzz
I asked my husband yesterday if he had noticed any difference since I started on the ADs and he thought I have been a lot calmer. I asked my Dad the same thing and he agreed that I seemed more relaxed. I feel slightly sedated, if I'm honest. It's a bit like physically and mentally wading through custard (I don't like treacle!). I feel like I'm a bit slow and no my usual sharp-witted self, HA!
Feeling more tired than usual today so I took myself off for a little lie down and slept in a log like fashion for about an hour, which was BLISS! I don't feel like sleeping in the day is a waste of time so much now, it's more of a necessity. I think over the last week I have changed my opinion of a few things. I was obsessed with housework (not that you could tell!). If I got up in the night to feed Squish, I would put the washing on the airer or fold the dry things up to save me time in the day. Quite mad really looking back. No wonder I'm in a mess now!! This week I have washed up first thing and put a couple of loads of washing on but that's it. No, I still haven't finished cleaning the bathroom and that was Mondays job!! It's ok though. We are all still alive. We haven't been struck down by some rare bacteria usually only found in landfill sites. The world, to my knowledge, is still spinning. Everything, it would seem, is just the same, just maybe a little more fluffy. The best thing... I'm not feeling guilty about it. Ok, well maybe just a smidge but I am only human!!

Rainy Sunday....

I think I'm going to go back to bed when Chaos has his sleep. I'm so tired and a bit shaky so I don't think I'll manage a whole day without a nap sometime! My husband was working last night so I went to bed about midnight after dosing on the sofa. He got home about 2.30am then Squish woke up about 3.30 and took about an hour to settle back down. Chaos woke up just as I was getting into bed at 5.00am, so I made him some milk and he settled down again. He was awake again at 7am so I brought him downstairs so my husband could catch up on some sleep. On days like today I wonder how I am ever going to get better if I don't get to catch up on some sleep at some point. It doesn't help when these pills are making me drowsy so I feel like I'm half asleep most of the time. I was told that would wear off, I really hope so! On the plus side, I'm not getting so annoyed like I used to. I don't think I have shouted or been stressed since I started taking them which is good for me!
Chaos strikes again... He won't sleep even though he's shattered and keeps putting his hand over his mouth so I'm guessing his teeth are causing him problems again. He has been crying and whining all morning. I better finish this later as Squish is waking up for a feed and my shattered husband can't cope with both of them today!

It's just dawned on me... It's Monday again tomorrow. I hate Mondays! It means I have another 5 days to cope with before I can spend 2 with my husband. Everything is so much better when he's around. I can cope with doing things that would normally make me anxious, like going out! I don't like to say things like that as I worry it might put more pressure on him and he has enough to worry about already I think!

I have just remembered a friend is coming round tomorrow to do Metamorphic Technique. It will be nice to relax for an hour. I just really hope the boys are quiet long enough for me to enjoy it! She is coming when Chaos normally goes to bed so fingers crossed eh?! Here is a link to the association website if you want to know more. www.metamorphicassociation.org/ I was a practitioner before I had the boys. I enjoyed meeting new people and helping them relax. Maybe I could start up again when I'm feeling a bit better.

This is a photo I took at London Zoo in January. I love taking pictures but no one ever sees them. I thought maybe I could start a blog just for my pictures and link it to this one. Some of them are quite good. This one is ok but it was taking through glass so it has a bit of a reflection down the side. I would love to hear your comments about this or anything else on the blog. I feel a bit like I'm writing to the great unknown at the moment! 


Happy Sunday peeps. Relax a lot, laugh a lot and stay out of the shadows!