No Silence for this Sunday!

Writing this now is a bad idea I know. Everyone is in bed and I am having breakfast with Chaos on the lose in the next room. I know I wont finish it but it's got to the stage that if I don't start things I'll never get anything done. I would probably forget what I was going to say which is more the problem these days!

I am struggling. I have said this before and then a wave of enthusiasm engulfs me and carries me along for a few weeks. It's just long enough to kid myself that things are changing and I'm doing ok. Pile of poo that is. I am totally flippin shattered. I don't know which way is up.

Actually, that is a lie. I know if I feel dizzy and wobble a bit then I'm standing up!
I feel tired to the point I can't sit down for longer than 5 minutes without dosing off.
I have these weird hot sweats that come on for no reason.
I could stay up all night on the laptop and not feel tired.
I find myself getting over emotional about all sorts of things that would never usually bother me.
I ache. My back aches like I've spent the day doing somersaults and landing flat on a pile of pointy rocks. My knees ache and feel three times their normal size (they aren't).
My head itches like mad although it is not supporting any visiting parasitic communities.
There are a million gazillion things I want to get on with but I feel the life drain out of me when I think about it.
I feel like my legs weigh three times their normal weight when I walk anywhere.

None of this is normal right?
I wondered if it's some new spin on my pnd/anxiety.
I could just be totally shattered/exhausted/menopausal!
My husband thinks I may be dehydrated.

I have no idea what it is but it's driving me nuts! I have the doctors tomorrow to check how my anti d's are working so I'l ask about it then. It's so frustrating!
I could just be a lazy cow and need to get off my arse, do some exercise and stop eating crap all the time. I have a wobble I'm none too keep on and that HAS to go! I grew to love my Mum Body last month with all the posts from Story of Mum but now I feel it is taking the mick a bit. My boys have a comfy ledge to perch on now when I carry them and that is NOT attractive! Yes my husband still loves me and I know that. I am not repulsed by what I see. I realise it is just a result of my laziness and bad eating habits but I am not happy enough to do something about it. Also my hernia is getting worse and I would rather sort it out than have to have surgery to fix it.

This week, somehow, I would like to start going from this
  


to this  and chanting OHM at the top of my voice whilst my children play serenely in a garden full of flowers.... Asking for too much? Ok, How about starting here.....

Right, on that note, I'm off to sort out Chaos' tractor. It has crashed into the fig tree and there is smoke pouring out of it so the neighbors dogs are going WILD! Maybe I shall just shove the spoon back in the hole that holds the trailer of and calm will be restored... Happy Sunday folks!