On With The Show

The yellow sun warms my skin

Its such a welcome feeling after all the rain

I'm laughing with friends

Loving the company and conversation

The boys are playing happily together

Ice chinks in the glass as we take another sip

Looking round, there is something missing

I can't put my finger on it for a second

Then suddenly it's hard to breathe

The lump returns in my chest

It starts to burn as I remember

I can't quite catch my breath

Is it real?

Is this really happening to me?

To us?! 

Surely not

It's a dream right? 

Pain grips my heart with every breath

Gone

My family and our future

Gone

I want to cry

I want to wail until it doesn't hurt any more

I want to hide under my duvet and not come out

(that's the only safe place ever, right?)

I want this shadow to go

To stop reminding me

I want to be happy again

I'm sick of pretending

I want to be in his arms

Where it used to be safe

That's not going to happen

So I dry my tears

I have to be strong

The boys need happy

Enough of this now

On with the show