Thursday 8 May 2014

Chaos and Behaviour

As you may have read previously, we have been having several issues with Chaos and his behaviour lately. I have been attending weekly parenting classes based on Caroline Webster-Strattons book "The Incredible Years". I have also been talking often, over the last few weeks, with Bea Marshall, a "Yes Parenting" consultant. Last week we also had a visit from the Nursery Nurse for a bit of extra advice on sleep and bedtime routines. All this advice has been really helpful and we have finally seen some progress. We were looking forward to the bank holiday weekend until the boys behaviour suddenly seemed to do a massive u-turn.

 Chaos has always been a challenging child. He is very smart and sensitive although that doesn't always come across as he also seeks attention and is quite controlling. Over the past few weeks we have worked hard on being positive, allowing him more control over his meals, making reward charts and ignoring any negative behaviour. This had all made a huge difference and we saw definite improvement in his behaviour. It was great to have our lovely, affectionate, calm little chap back again.

Squish is no problem during the day but bedtimes are a real issue with him. I'm not sure whether he just doesn't want to be parted from me but he doesn't sleep soundly unless I am next to him. Over the past few months I have resorted to sleeping on a matress next to him so he doesn't scream hysterically throughout the night.
After speaking to the Nursery Nurse, Jo, we decided enough was enough and I can't keep sleeping on the floor any further into my pregnancy. From that night on, instead of going in and sleeping with him I settled him. I told him "You are a really good boy for staying in your bed. I'm going back to my bed now but if you need me I am only in my room and I will come if you call me." I don't know if he took it in but that night he cried for me three times but stayed in his bed. He got a sticker in the morning on his chart!
We have been doing this for a week now. Some nights he screams out three or four times but last night he slept right through!! Massive progress (and a busy day with no naps!). The problem we are having now is getting him to sleep. We thought it would be best if we didn't sit with him until he falls asleep any more as we didn't want to give him mixed messages. This was great in theory...
We put the boys to bed as normal then once we said goodnight we sat in our bedroom next door instead of in the room with them. If we heard them get out of bed or messing around we could nip in and tell them to stay in their beds or stop shouting at each other. Gradually, this  idea has escalated into something horrendous that lasts about 2 hours. It was so bad, Sunday night we took them for a walk in their pjs and wellies round town to wear themout. It was gone 8pm and we had had enough! . 5 minutes after putting them back to bed they were asleep within minutes :) Result!!
The other problem is this behaviour has spread to their afternoon nap so Chaos has been getting more and more  out of control.
Last night i decided, after half an hour of them messing about I decided enough was enough so I went and sat in their room. They were asleep within 10 minutes!

I think that is part of the routine that we shall be sticking to. Even if they take half an hour to go off to sleep it still beats the chaotic 2 hours we have had every night for the last week before they conk out. Once Chaos is asleep Squish normally lies down happily as he hasn't got anyone to talk to or play with. He always takes longer to drift of than Chaos whether it's an afternoon nap or bedtime so that won't change.

In parenting class last week we talked about routines and how we get things done. I realised we have no routines here at all. We humble through the day and get most things done but we also forget to do other things. My husband sometimes dresses the boys downstairs in the morning or before bed so clothes are never in the same place. Sometimes we have forgotten to do their teeth in the rush to get ready. It just feels like a mess when you hear how organised some people are! I would like to be more organised so I am going to try to make a functional routine for the family so we all know what we are doing. I'm sure it will be a huge help to the boys too.

1 comment:

  1. I don't have any advice, but wanted to send hugs. You sound exhausted, especially at this stage in your pregnancy. Keep doing what you're doing, keep listening, learning and putting things into action x x x

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