So, what happened? I don't honestly know! Somehow, this bloke wormed his way into my subconscious and has yet to leave! Gradually, I found myself thinking about him more and more but didn't know why. I used to bring him up in conversation just to say his name out loud. He was younger than me (well, he still is!) and I felt torn. My head was saying he was too young and I shouldn't get involved but my heart just couldn't stop falling for him. I decided that if he showed an interest in me we would go from there as I didn't want to influence him (or terrify the poor sod!).
We were talking about films one evening and he asked if he could watch a DVD I had. Thinking nothing of it I said yes. Later when we were alone he asked if he could come round that evening to watch it, again, I said yes. After that we started spending more and more time together just walking the dog or watching films until we hated being away from each other. We decided that he would move in and we haven't been apart since. That was nearly 5 years ago.
The following year (on the 18th March, the day we got together) we got married in the Old Smithy, Gretna Green. Nobody knew and it was just us and the Big One.
I have learnt a few things about marriage in the last few years.
I love the added security of being married.
I feel a stronger sense of togetherness.
Saying "my husband" still gives me a buzzy feeling.
It is great to have someone to share everything with. The good, the bad and unfortunately, the ugly! To share the responsibilities and the decision making too. Having been a single parent for so long this makes a huge difference to me.
I love knowing that
There is always a hug available whenever it's needed.
Yes, these are all the good things (apart from the snoring!). Here come some of the not so good things.
Marriage is the toughest thing I have ever undertaken.
It is the worst thing in the world when it hits a rough patch. There is no escape. It's there whenever you get home and that is really hard.
If I had to give advice, the first thing would be to talk. Don't ever stop talking. This sounds obvious. You live together so you have to talk, right? WRONG!! You'll be amazed at how long you can go without a proper conversation. I don't mean, "what do you want for dinner?" or "do you want a cuppa?" and other daily drivel. I mean a proper chat with an actual topic of interest to both of you.
Also, spend time together. Not shopping or washing up! Proper time together when you're both relaxing. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you enjoy each others company. We walk the dog or play the playstation.
These are our biggest failings lately. We have stopped talking and spending time together. As a consequence we have drifted apart. Almost too far but we are both working towards making it brilliant again. It is hard work at the moment. Some days it's really hard work but we are as stubborn as each other and we aren't giving up! We are starting a weekly slot with Relate soon as we can't seem to improve things on our own and we keep going round in circles. Our initial session helped a lot so I am sure with a bit of help we shall be shining again soon!