Friday, 26 October 2012


I have to be honest with you, I never wanted to get married. I thought it was vastly over rated. I also didn't  think I would find someone I liked enough to spend  an entire summer with let alone the rest of my life! I loved my single, free-spirited life. Being able to go where ever I wanted, whenever I felt like it. Selfish? Maybe, but not selfish enough to expect someone else to tolerate my carefree ways. Well, that was then.

So, what happened? I don't honestly know! Somehow, this bloke wormed his way into my subconscious and has yet to leave! Gradually, I found myself thinking about him more and more but didn't know why. I used to bring him up in conversation just to say his name out loud. He was younger than me (well, he still is!) and I felt torn. My head was saying he was too young and I shouldn't get involved but my heart just couldn't stop falling for him. I decided that if he showed an interest in me we would go from there as I didn't want to influence him (or terrify the poor sod!).

We were talking about films one evening and he asked if he could watch a DVD I had. Thinking nothing of it I said yes. Later when we were alone he asked if he could come round that evening to watch it, again, I said yes. After that we started spending more and more time together just walking the dog or watching films until we hated being away from each other. We decided that he would move in and we haven't been apart since. That was nearly 5 years ago.

The following year (on the 18th March, the day we got together) we got married in the Old Smithy, Gretna Green. Nobody knew and it was just us and the Big One.


We did have a big day planned but quickly realised it would take us years to save up and we didn't want to wait that long. We had a mixed reception as the family got over the shock but generally they were all happy for us.

I have learnt a few things about marriage in the last few years.
I love the added security of being married.
I feel a stronger sense of togetherness.
Saying "my husband" still gives me a buzzy feeling.
It is great to have someone to share everything with. The good, the bad and unfortunately, the ugly! To share the responsibilities and the decision making too. Having been a single parent for so long this makes a huge difference to me.
I love knowing that the big, orange, snoring lump my gorgeous man is always going to be there.
There is always a hug available whenever it's needed.

Yes, these are all the good things (apart from the snoring!). Here come some of the not so good things.
Marriage is the toughest thing I have ever undertaken.
It is the worst thing in the world when it hits a rough patch. There is no escape. It's there whenever you get home and that is really hard.

If I had to give advice, the first thing would be to talk. Don't ever stop talking. This sounds obvious. You live together so you have to talk, right? WRONG!! You'll be amazed at how long you can go without a proper conversation. I don't mean, "what do you want for dinner?" or  "do you want a cuppa?" and other daily drivel. I mean a proper chat with an actual topic of interest to both of you.
Also, spend time together. Not shopping or washing up! Proper time together when you're both relaxing. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you enjoy each others company. We walk the dog or play the playstation.
These are our biggest failings lately. We have stopped talking and spending time together. As a consequence we have drifted apart. Almost too far but we are both working towards making it brilliant again. It is hard work at the moment. Some days it's really hard work but we are as stubborn as each other and we aren't giving up! We are starting a weekly slot with Relate soon as we can't seem to improve things on our own and we keep going round in circles. Our initial session helped a lot so I am sure with a bit of help we shall be shining again soon!


  1. My little piece of advice, to add to yours, is to say "I love you" and hug each other often, Rog and I still do, after 25 years together, we call it recharging the batteries.

  2. Your wedding photos are gorgeous- the way you are looking at each other in the signing of the register one is so full of love, I just know you will be fine! It's so hard when your babies are young, as a mum we can end up with very little energy for anyone else- good news is you have stepped in in time to stop the rot! Good luck xxx

  3. Like Sonya says, gorgeous photos! Through your words, you can feel how much your relationship means to you though, I don't think you will have any problems getting it back on track either! Good luck! :)

  4. I hope you find your way again, its easy forget that a relationship is about more than just pots and pans :)

  5. Well done on proactively taking your life and marriage in your hands. Hope it just gets stronger for you. Marriage is hard work for sure but if the love is there, you can move on to happy times. My husband never gives us which probably keeps us together in good times and bad.


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